Growing

It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself. ~Joyce Maynard

I really believe the quote from Joyve Maynard is all too true. Raising children forces you to look at your own life and makes us ask ourselves, "are we doing the best we can??".

At some point in our lives as we raise our children we have to realize we can only do so much to protect, guide, and support them. When they become adults, it will be up to them to make right choices, reach their own goals and be positive happy people.

I have watched amazing good people raise children who grow up, leave home and make some heartbreaking choices. I myself have done just that on many occasions. But I now own my own faults and do not put blame on those who helped raise me.

As most of you know both my parents passed away when I was still very young. My father died of a heart attack when I was 5 1/2 and my mother when I was barely 12. This played a huge impact on my life, this is true. But it did not define all that I am today. It has helped make me more empathetic, open minded, and realize we only have today. Tomorrow is never guaranteed.

I try so much to live life to it's fullest. To see the glass half full, and yes, I want a more "Polly Anna" attitude!! I would much rather strive to be a positive, helpful uplifting person than wallow in misery and live in sadness. This is MY choice.

I choose more and more to hold on to good memories, strive to surround myself with compassionate, positive people who share the same faith. I want to share my time who show me love and push me to be a better woman.

In order to be strong, I have to let go of my past and those who only want to use me. Toxic people are easy to spot. I will become a better parent if I choose to learn from my mistakes and learn how to become a happier person. I must make some serious changes and in doing so let go of some people I have shared my life with but no longer are healthy for me.

I chose to avoid these types of people:


1. Attempting to intimidate you by yelling or becoming violent in any manner (slamming a door is violence).
2. Consistently talking down at you, sending the message that he or she is just plain better than you.
3. Regularly telling you what he or he/she thinks is wrong with you.
4. Slandering others behind their backs i.e. trying to engage you in gossip that is hurtful to others.
5. Spending the bulk of your conversations complaining about his or her life and others.
6. Discouraging you from pursuing your interests and dreams.
7. Attempting to take advantage of your kindness and resources, and trying to make you feel guilty if you don't do what he or she wants.

I also keep in mind if I have done anything for others to want to act in this manner. I chose to offer a sincere apology, and if the apology is not accepted, I can at least choose to walk away knowing I have at least tried to own up to my behavior. I also believe in the statement, "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me." Toxic people who you do not have to co exist with on a regular basis will reap natural consequences in due time. WALK AWAY!!

In my life I now choose to be close to immediate family members, relatives and friends that I have good reason to respect. They enrich my life and my children. They bring me much joy. And as I have already stated, I realize our time here on earth is limited.

I love this quote:

"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up -- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

I have lived a sort of crazy life thus far. I have had joy, sadness, excitement, heartache...but now I am striving to live my life with more dignity and grace. This quote has inspired me today and I hope it will inspire you as well:

"Grace means more than gifts. In grace something is transcended, once and for all overcome. Grace happens in spite of something; it happens in spite of separateness and alienation. Grace means that life is once again united with life, self is reconciled with self. Grace means accepting the abandoned one. Grace transforms fate into a meaningful vocation. It transforms guilt to trust and courage. The word grace has something triumphant in it." - Yrjo Kallinen

In order for me to become the parent I wish to be, I must try harder at become the woman I know I can be.

I so want my children to live safe, happy, rich in love lives. It will require sacrifice, patience, endurance, and so much faith.

If my husband and I work together to make ourselves more Christlike people, I know in my heart that Spencer, Katie, and Lacey Jane will have a far better chance at achieving all that is good in their own lives.

I am so thankful for those who have touched my life for good and who have loved me through good and bad. I am blessed.