Trials and Blessings in 2009

In life change is constant. You think you have way more control than you may really have. But in reality we can only control so much. But one thing that stands true for all of us is that change is constant.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else."

Change doesn't have to always be bad, as long as it's in the right direction.

So, as I always do, I have taken inventory of our year. I can honestly say it has been one of the most taxing years I have ever lived through. It is when I made the choice not to fear my future, but to have faith and to welcome a new challenge that I felt more peace and comfort. Not comfort that everything would go my way, but peace that it would be OK no matter what the outcome. Being miserable just wasn't working for me. I had to do something about the grief, regret and sorrow I felt about my past mistakes. Taking inventory helps me to realize how much stronger I have become and that with change can come wonderful blessings.

To one person a trial may seem like a walk in the park and silly to even give a second thought to. But to others, it may seem like the world is a cruel lonely place to live in. It is perspective. So while you read my blog I encourage you to take your own inventory.

Look at what a difference a year can make....

Brent was laid off for most of the year............................Brent now has close relationships with the children he may not have had otherwise.

Our Puppy Lola passed away..............................we were able to teach our children about life after death and to open up the lines of communication. We express ourselves and feelings we may have so much better now.

I had to search for a job....................................I found the job the first day, hired the very next day. I have become more confident and secure. It's amazing how much stronger I have become because I was forced out of my comfort zone. I have achieved so much more than I thought I ever would.....and I am still learning.....

I was diagnosed with diverticulosis and was so fearful of what it was before the diagnoses...................................Having this disease has pushed me to eat healthy, and in doing so feeling more healthy, I am able to accomplish so much more. There is no secret to losing weight. But it is funny how when we experience discomfort and pain, the lifestyle changes we are willing to accept. I feel so relieved that it is not anything more serious and with proper diet, I can be pain free. If you do not have your health, nothing else matters as much.

I was dwelling on our financial situation so much it made me depressed and miserable...........as a distraction we grew a garden. The whole family has learned so much about science, health, and nature. Next years garden will be even better!

Brent's parents moved to Utah...............................we appreciate them more and we now plan to visit our family more in Utah.

Lack of funds has put a damper on extra "things" we enjoy.............................we appreciate what we have more, and we have become more creative. We have talents and gifts we never knew we had.

My oldest is growing up and went into Junior High...................................we savor every moment of childhood. He received the Priesthood............an honor to have in our church.

Our Van had issues through out the year..................................because we only have one vehicle, we have learned to take better care of what we own and to appreciate it more too. It has forced us become more organized and to communicate better with each other.

We lost Grandpa Gray..............................................another life teaching lesson. We love deeper and continue working on having empathy. We treat each other with kindness more often.


I could go on and on. I am sure I have left out something. But that will have to wait for another day.

We all have our own battles and weaknesses. We all have our strengths. I am focused more on building my loved ones up, instead of tearing them down. I appreciate the support and encouragement I receive from those around me. I sure hope I can pay it forward.

Sweet Moments

I'm 35. I am still in my robe bought by the hubby several years ago. I love this. It is what I want at this moment. The house is empty except for the crazy kitty and Bash, the wonder dog who loves to eat toilet paper, the cat food, and maxi pads.

Never in a million years did I think my life would be as it is at the moment. I make such bad choices. I'm 35 and still in my pink robe for goodness sakes!! It's 10:16 A.M.!! LOL But, still, this is the least of my choices that I am ashamed to admit. And yet, here I sit still in that robe that should have been washed weeks ago.

How on earth am I supposed to create sweet moments if I keep making the same mistakes over and over?? Why do I deprive myself of happiness for a few moments of pleasure??

Men are that they might have joy. I suppose the definition of what brings joy will vary from one person to the next. But the basic principles behind how we obtain joy remains the same. By making correct decisions the pathway to joy will become more clear and I can break away from those things which stunt my personal growth and may even have an eternal effect in my life. Am I willing to give up all the worldly things that continue to ultimately bring such sorrow into the very core of who I am.

Who I am and who I wish to be are very much two polar opposites. True, I am a bipolar 35 year old lady living in your average run of the mill town in Northern California. But my mental illness is not a gateway to blame all my troubles on. I must face those troubles head on regardless of my illness. I can not an will not allow this to be a crutch in which I use an out to why I screw up. Sure it's no fun to deal with, but it's no excuse.

In my blogs I will keep some things sacred. But for the most part, what you get from these blogs will be straight forward, and honest. I call it as I see it. I am sassy. I tend to be impulsive and selfish. I can be an ego driven crazy lady who just wants to live for the sweet moments, drive away the bitter thoughts, and love the ones I cherish.