Not Feeling Alone.

How the time seems to slip away from me these days. I think back to yesterday, last month, last year....regrets, warm fizzy feelings, and sorrow. Trouble has nipped at my feet and I keep running. But through all this I feel the love and prayers of my family and sweet friends. I know I am never ever alone. I feel protected and accepted. I am starting to see the glass half full, and smile more often and cry with more happy tears and less and less from sorrow. I laugh more and find more friends worth keeping.

I stumble, I fall, I get scared at times when I think of the unknown. As much as I want it I know there will be hard times. But the feel those prayers, I recognizing my achievements. And soo enjoy seeing those beautiful children of mine grow into wonderful, good little people. It brings me much comfort and sooo much gratitude for what my Father in Heaven has given me.

Feeling protected by the prayers given to me in my behalf has given me so much strength. I realize how much they have helped me grow and pick myself up when I stumble time and time again. I am thankful for the love of those amazing friends and family.

I am not going to promise I will never make mistakes. Lets be honest! No one is perfect! I can not say I won't have hard times that will never feel fear and slip an fall again. But in my heart I know I will become stronger with each passing day.

I want to take this time to share my gratitude to my friends and my family for helping me, for loving me, and accepting me for all I am and all I am not. I know who i want to be and I know they can see my potential. And the good ones never judge me for what horrible things I have done in my past.

I realize I must feel the loss. I must feel the regret in order to change and heal. I so want to feel love for myself. I so want to be able to love others more fully. I know I as I gain back what I have lost I will be able to love more deeper and you will be able to see his image in my countenance once again.

I realize not everyone view Heaven as I do. Not all will agree with what I know to be true in my own heart. But when I do feel his love I so want my family and friends to be able to feel that same warm feeling I get when I do what is honest, good and right.

My destiny lies within me. My mistakes, my achievements are my own doing. But without the encouragement and love from those I treasure, I know with all my being I would not become the best I can be.

I want to forever be with those I love. And with all my heart and soul I know that LOVE will find a way to lead me back to where I know I belong. The love and kindness of those I love the most in this world and those who have gone back to where I will one day return push me to becoming a more honorable and faithful woman.

To know my Heavenly Father loves me is a such a sweet thing. To have faith there is another world I will one day return to if I am true and faithful is such a comfort to me. I so miss those who have left this world and are in a better place. But I know I will embrace them once more.

Am I crazy?? Some people reading this may giggle or disagree with my beliefs. And that's OK with me. We are allowed to have our own free agency. We are allowed to live our lives as we see fit. But for me I can no longer live with regrets. I must live what I know to be true. What I believe to be the meaning of happiness is my faith in my God. He loves me and wants me only to find joy and find my way back to him. He knows my life from being to end. He knew I'd make mistakes. He knew I'd have pain and sorrow. But he also knows my gifts and talents. He wants me to grow and enjoy this life here on earth.

Bonding with my family and friends will be the greatest and bring me the most joy in my lifetime. Spending time with those who I find dear and want near me pushes me to become a better mother, sister, wife, friend...All those roles are what matter most to me in this world.

So thank you to one friend in particular that messaged me tonight on facebook. I was inspired tonight to not be lazy but to write in this blog tonight. To not allow others to share their love and gifts with me would be a tragedy. To not push myself, (even though for it can bring on fear) to give of myself, my gifts, my love would also be a tragedy. I find a way to do better in engaging in the things of this world that matter most. Real joy comes from giving of yourself and reaching out to others with the pure love of Christ.

I am not trying to be preachy or push my beliefs on to my friends and family. But to go through this life without expressing my gratitude and not to share what I believe will bring true joy in my life and yours would be a regret of mine. And as I already expressed, I want to change feeling regretful about what I do and not do in my lifetime.

It is my hope that my loved ones will forgive me of all my wrong doings and hurtful things I have done to them. I am truly sorry. For those I have offended and hurt, I wish to ask forgiveness. I am not perfect by all means. But I am trying. And with your love, prayers, and support, I know I will become the woman, mother, wife, sister, and friend I sooo want to be.

I love you all with all my being.

~LaCresha